cerebral hemisphere
by incense-whiskers
Summary: river is not quite right in the head/on jayne and his adjectives and the possibilities we see in mirrors


_Disclaimer: The following belongs to Joss Whedon, Square Enix and other important and scary people (like copyright vultures)._

_Starring: River/Cloud_

_Author's Note: There are some similarities. Also, I am wearing MARVEL boy jammie pants. Awesome? I think so. _

_Summary: She is, as Jayne has so gallantly described her as, moon brained, bonkers, flipped, mad as a hatter, daft, deranged, round the bend, schizo, unglued and barmy._

River is not what you would call mentally stable.

She is, as Jayne has so gallantly described her as, moon brained, bonkers, flipped, mad as a hatter, daft, deranged, round the bend, schizo, unglued and barmy. This leads to hours debating how she is all of these things and which one is worse and where does one find a belfry with bats in it and pretending to have a tea party which doesn't quite work when one is missing an oversized top hat. Kaylee always comes over and smiles and tells her not to worry because Jayne a fool and don't know what he's saying.

River frowns into her reflection.

Simon's office, the infirmary is shiny and white and cold. Cramped because he is not on Core planet with a spacious hospital to rule over. Although River knows that Serenity is not the Blue Hands and Simon is not her trainers, she feels as if she's been here before. Only different. She doesn't tell Simon these things because her boob of a brother is already falling apart at his seams trying to fix her (and she is suspicious to the point of there may not be a fixing but is not unkind enough to say it).

She sees it in Inara's shuttle when she is prettied and treated like a girl. It is a nice feeling and when basks in the glow of Inara's gentle touch and the thick smell of incense that hangs low and soft throughout the shuttle. When River peers into the mirror to try and put on the kohl she sees a flash of bright eyes – not her own deep brown, but of a blue-green that is unnatural and seems so sad – and drops the kohl nearly everytime.

Sometimes late at night when she eavesdrops on the others playing games and drinking because she is not allowed, not physically old enough to partake the in the plying of alcohol until most motor and cognitive functions have failed, she listens to hear them. It seems as though her heart feels like bursting when she hears Kaylee's giggle or Zoe's pleased sigh. She feels as though she must protect these women, she must must must because they are the Black that she sails through. River does not know where this feeling comes from or why she almost told Zoe that she would look prettier with red-stone eyes or why she whispered to Kaylee one night that she could fix more then Serenity, she could fix Simon's heart.

She does not understand why she shies away from Jayne's girls. Not because she is afraid of them but because they are another her, and a him sometimes. Little precious somethings with names and sad stories and she must help Jayne look after them. She does not know why she does not tell Mal about Book. He is not quite a spy and not quite a friend and sometimes she imagines that he is a cat, watching, listening, and knows more about what is coming then he lets on.

River does not understand where her fascination with knives comes from. After the years she spent under them she should fear them, want them burnt and gone and yet she loves to use them. She uses two instead of one and ignores the niggling feeling that the weight is not quite enough. She pilots now, almost dragged Mal kicking and screaming out of the chair. Now she soars through the Black and feels free and wonders what roads she can take now. Zoe has only raised an eyebrow at the wolf figurine that River has added to the dinosaurs and River is grateful that she didn't ask questions.

River spends a lot of time in the Black searching for justice and for answers. Hopefully she will find out who this past life was because the strange glow of her reflected eyes is eerie. She doesn't want to become Remnant.

Whatever that is.


End file.
